My little experiment in online dating comes to an end over the next few weeks, thanks to expiring subscriptions. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that online dating may not be for me.
If my experience is typical, it would appear the Nigerian man trying online dating has three strikes against him. First is the perception in the wider world of Nigerians as being inherently scam artists. A bevy of websites has sprung up whose MO appears solely to be defining tactics and strategies for identifying Nigerian scam artists and outing them. The three or so women on eHarmony who I made it past guided communication into emailing with suddenly became reticent when I declared I was Nigerian. From a couple of emails a day, things segued into an email a couple of days and then them leaving my emails un-replied.
Secondly, it does appear that online dating isn’t exactly catching on amongst Nigerian women within the demographic I am searching in. My initial searches on African Love were restricted to people stating their family roots as Nigerian. The profiles were either too young (to be honest, I struggle to understand why a 23 year old should be on a dating site, unless they live in Alaska or at the South pole), or too old (plus 35s with live-in children). The demographic (26 to 30 y.o) I was looking for appeared to be inactive on the site (stated ages in the ‘about me’ section being out of sync with the calculated ages etc).
Thirdly, and following on from point two, the bulk of the Nigerian women that turned up in my searches were primarily situated in North America - the US primarily with a sprinkling in Canada - and in the UK. Even they showed an unwillingness to communicate, presumably because of the horror stories of blokes getting married just for papers. It is a sad but true possibility that such things happen, but I would have at least liked to be given a chance before being tarred with that brush. For goodness sakes, I work hard in a reasonably decent professional job, and make enough to take a trip a couple of times a year to any destination that suits my fancy and support the worthy causes I’m involved with.
I suppose from a strategy perspective too, the online dating world lends its self to a multi-faceted approach - send as many emails as possible, wait for responses and take it from there. Between the low email return rate and the new matches delivered (almost daily) there is almost the sense that there might be a better match tomorrow, which defeats the idea of intentionality and upfront commitment.
In summary, I am sure being stuck up in my rural corner of the world, my naturally reserved nature, and my full time job seem to add up to a perfect storm which has put the dampeners on any active romantic interests just now. I am sure there were also issues with me, and my profiles (maybe I didn’t do a good enough job of selling myself), but I think online dating is one medium I am unlikely to have much success with.
So out here, it is back to the drawing board to devise a new strategy to find the one. Surely there are time tested principles and strategies to be employed in achieving these objectives. Sadly, online dating is looking less and less likely to be part of that strategy, for me at least.