Sometime between sending an SMS that went unanswered for very nearly a day and me slipping into one of my more pensive moments, something clicked in my head - TheB is not for me. My trip westward at the back end of last year had come at some personal cost. I had been invited for an interview at one of the Nigerian multi-nationals, and given the job description, it seemed a fairly reasonable job that fit in with my longer term life direction. I chose instead to head out to Chicago, prioritising clarity around my situation with TheB higher than snagging a dream Nigerian job. Unfortunately my nervousness and her busy-ness ended up putting paid to any serious conversations.
Missing that window of opportunity perhaps was the point of inflection, the turning point from where everything headed downhill irrevocably. Given that, I still managed to limp along - chipping in with a valentine’s gift, and generally trying to keep a conversation going. Somehow though, me-the pragmatist has finally won this war of attrition with me-the romantic.
It does feel like a loss of sorts - but given the events of 2009, I was probably flogging a dead horse from day zero in any case. So it’s one more radical disconnection from my life. If there is one thing I think I deserve, it is a shot at loving a woman who loves me back, not one I’m having to chase interminably.
So this is me, doing the big reset, and hoping there are happier days ahead.