Definitely blown, and I think at its core the failed dalliance was of my own making in being too keen. Given the year I’d had - with close on 18 months without any interest in females as I sought to deal with the lingering wounds and the fall out from the last serious relationship - I suppose I could be forgiven for letting go too quickly when a smart, attractive young woman who ticked all the critical boxes suddenly came into the picture. I’d sworn I was over E a year ago, but not until the fates conspired to bring L my way did the realisation that I had grossly understated the extent of the pain I still was in sink in.

It was the excuses around meeting up that did it -  the constant prattle around being very busy juxtaposed starkly against the various activities, the dinners, the other meetups and the seeming reluctance to answer phone calls that gave the lie to that excuse. Me the romantic, ever the overly indulgent, smitten persona sought to rationalise the hard evidence away, but Me, the Pragmatist always sensed there was more to the reluctance than mere coincidence.

There was a brief respite - the three days in December where a chance occurrence provided the opportunity to have the chat that - to me at least had seemed like the big elephant in the room. There were wooly clarifications offered - No, she hadn’t been avoiding me, Any awkwardness had been entirely in my over-thinker’s head, and perhaps most importantly she was not actively looking to meet or date any one at the moment. The promise to stay in touch as a trip outside the country loomed went the way of all others - explained away on the basis of network connectivity problems. The woolliness of that particular palliative showed itself soon enough, like all the others.

There were positives though -  the three or four times we hung out rekindled my interest in females, snatching my lost enjoyment of great company from the very jaws of depression. I also did find God, or he found me as I hadn’t done anything different from what I’d done in the past - my friend O suspects it was due largely to the civilising influence of a woman, I hold my own counsel on the subject.

All in all then, Man down, but not out… Like a bullet train in full flow, I’ll lick my wounds and soldier on…