If I dialed down my definition of success to its most basic, it would have three (or four) components:

  • Excel in (Corrosion & Materials) Engineering;
  • Be the best husband, father, son, brother and friend I can be;
  • Live in, and contribute to life in, a great city and a great church.

Simple enough, I guess. Unless you’re me with a well documented attention to detail – often bordering on over-thinking – with which every little, simple decision segues into a long, drawn out exercise in Planning, Reviewing and Risk v. Reward Assessment.

This year, I thought five things would occupy me and my attention, only four of which I have any sort of control over. Some progress has been made in attaining those – the CEng’s bagged, my work experience document for the NACE exam has been approved (there’s the small matter of an 8 hour exam left) and Mum’s much better and is back to work now.

Overall, excelling in Engineering is progressing apace and Aberdeen - wet, windy and all - ticks a few boxes on the great place to live checklist. Sure Lagos, London, Newcastle or Houston would be much better places to live for the plethora of entertainment options, and great churches, they provide but Aberdeen’s good enough at the moment. It is in the becoming a great husband and father that I am failing, and flailing badly.  Truth be told, my dating life/non-dating life is a right mess at the moment. Whilst I may not have done anything particularly untoward, I’ll have to admit I have picked up defective behaviours which do not necessarily treat women right, commodifying them, and treat them primarily as objects to be evaluated for wife potential rather than as individuals, friends and sisters in their own right.

Barely four months into the year I am already feeling jaded and burnt out. The overwhelming sense I have is one of having tried too hard in these few short months – being overly eager might have been one of the reasons the L thing fell through.

The recovery plan? Give things a year – take a year off actively chasing jobs, or women or money and instead focus on investing in me – NACE certs, understanding myself and my personality and closing out my girl knowledge gaps.

There are nagging doubts in my mind of course – the really top jobs don’t get advertised all the time, great women don’t stay on the market for so long and sometimes being a first mover confers a significant advantage – but deep down, I know there’s the need to make a step change. Albert Einstein’s often quoted as saying doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different results is one definition of insanity. That’s the driver for seeking a step change….

At least, that’s the plan.