Sinking… and feeling for rock bottom is the sense of where I feel I am at the moment; very much like the proverbial lead sinking in water. The thing with Tee rather than being the primary cause of this latest bout of malaise helped precipitate it, not least being the most recent of a string of setbacks in the girl department running through the year.
There’s work, and the fact that the guys I currently work for recently lost a major service contract they had held for the better part of 8+ years. With that has come the potential for staff moves, down-sizing and all the other fun and games associated with trying to bring overhead down. Even though my own role seems safe amidst this sea of change, there is the additional complication of the particular client I support shuttering activity on the plant I work for. My UK visa is tied to my employer so the uncertainty associated with work, or not working does leave the mind in jitters. Another layer of complexity is the fact that I want to do something different. Having spent the greater part of the last 10 years - since December 2003 - in topside pressure system asset integrity, I do want to get my teeth into subsea materials and corrosion a lot more than my current role might allow…
On the spiritual side of things, God and I are in a limbo of sorts, thanks in part to a number of long standing non-conformances. The year of living dangerously was meant to kick start a radical change of direction in that category of life, but unfortunately nothing much has changed. I appear to have tried to change too much too soon, tried to do it all alone and depended too much on my ability to plan and work details. Clearly something has to give - different outcomes can only come about from different actions..
So here I am sinking.. Hoping that maybe if my feet reach rock bottom, that might be the jolt I need to gain upward/forward motion :(