The one slight positive from the events of the last few weeks has got to be the opportunity to start over. For one it is a big reset of sorts, one from which I hope I can learn. Rock bottom/ square zero’s great in that regards - having hit there, the only way is up, if there is any movement that is.
Looking back over the year so far, and the bevy of girl shaped failures that litter it, an overt eagerness to gain clarity and definition appears to be one of the key recurring hurdles at which I have fallen. At first it was due to the need to gain some sort of closure on the wife plan as the 34th birthday loomed, and then the pressure to demonstrate progress to the hordes of interested, knowledgeable others.
Cold, hard facts are cold hard facts, but in making progress the hard questions need to be asked I suppose - why, what, where and who. Why do I want to get married or be in a relationship, What are the critical roles such a one might fill/ requirements and characteristics they would necessarily have, and where I might be able to meet them. Allied to those questions I suppose is also the who one - are there any current acquaintances who might tick all the right boxes but whom for what ever reason I have overlooked?
Church today sort of went over similar ground - talking about the cross and how we as individuals need to take up our cross and make a difference by bringing our body under.; the perfect rallying cry I guess. It promises to be an intense period of soul searching, raking over old wounds and hopefully getting healing. Going in there is no plan as such - just a number of decisions I hope I can hold myself to over the next few days and things I hope I can achieve at the end of the next three months.
- Take a break from actively chasing women: Andy Stanley’s challenge to take time off from women to develop the right, godly attitudes to them hit close to home. Here’s hoping I can do this for three months in the first instance
- Spend time understanding me - personality, temperaments, inter personal skills, dress and style, etc
- Bottom out exactly what I am looking for in a spouse, and how I can become the sort of person such a one if on the look out for.
- Pray.. And study the bible… A lot!
I have settled on three months - 90 days being a nice tidy number as well as the critical length of time required for the brain to reset itself. There have been a few false starts so far, not least the year of living dangerously from a few months ago, but this time I hope it’s not just about me and my ability to plan details. God and I have to rock this one.. Really have to…
Currently listening to: Dead Come To Life - Jonathan Thulin