Humor on A Geek's Life

Blackberries.. Quite Literarily...

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 20:56:02 +0000

Hilarious video…. Littered with double meanings… Totally loved it..

On repeat: Iya Basira...

Fri, 07 Jan 2011 08:31:37 +0000

One of the unintended consequences of my little 10 day holiday was rediscovering some styl-plus music from back in the day (and being made to watch Nigerian home videos ad nauseam). I somehow have been unable to remove the Iya Basira one from my head…. :(

What I really meant was....

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 08:14:43 +0000

Via XKCD:

Celebrating the Debacle...

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 17:08:44 +0000

One of the more creative jokes about England’s demise at the World Cup I’ve seen so far…..

The Idiot's guide to...... Looking busy!

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 11:12:38 +0000

When you bill per the hour, looking busy is of paramount importance… The criticality of this black art is never more obvious than when you sit in full view of the Oga and can ill afford to be found playing solitaire, surfing the internet mindlessly, blogging, or God help you - being nabbed on ogling the goodies on offer on Page 3. Below are the top tips I have gleaned from the best – trust me I’ve learned from the very best - a stellar cast of international pedigree..

Job Application Agent.....

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 09:15:04 +0000

This is an automated email response from Home Careers.com in relation to a Job Application you made.

Our Ref: JustDB-09-20/2011 Category: Multiple Location: StuckVille, Limboland

Dear You,

Further to your recent application, we regret to inform you that after careful consideration it has been decided not to proceed with your application on this occasion. Please be informed that in line with our Corporate Recruitment guidelines, you are not eligible to reapply for this or any other position till December 31st, 2012.

What kind of 'Worshipper' are you?

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:17:26 +0000

I have been involved in a mini church crawl - attended several churches over the past few weeks with the aim of finding someplace to settle. In the process, I found that people in church largely fit into one of the following classes.

The irresponsible bloke: This bloke dey feel like gangsta for church. Jeans wearing, ear ring totting, chewing gum splitting type, he is often singled out for the sinner’s prayer/ deliverance.
The scammer: O boy dey scan all the fine babes for the church. Instead of worshipping the Lord, bros is watching the screens -and depending on his confidence levels he might try to catch a wink occasionally. If it is a church where peeps are asked to move around and shake hands or welcome each other, free pass for bros o. He will shake and hug all the fine sisters.
The Spiri bros/ sis: These types are the real members of the church. They have come to worship God, but sometimes they can over do it too o. Like skabashing very loudly, singing off key, or like one bloke in my non-Nigerian church, sway as though a strong east wind is blowing only him. These types usually gravitate to the prayer group, evangelism, sometimes Sunday school and the money counters - not very visible positions.
The fine boy usher/ fine girl protocol member: These are the types that cause the most trouble in church. Dem can pose! Bro is usually decked out in a powerful perfume, correct suit and tire, and the phonetics! Chei, wahala! They don’t sit still in church o, always prancing around, so people can see them. I suspect that at least 65% of church members know them by name!
The choir chic: The typical choir chic can foine! This type is usually decked out gloriously every Sunday, and when there is a need to print a handbill, oh yes, na dem dey dey the front o. Normal songs for worship, become opportunities to showcase their Carrie Underwood-esque voices.
The groove man/ groove chic: These types are your semi-reformed bubblers. Dem don groove so tey, as soon as the songs start to play, especially in Naija churches, they break out into the latest adaptation of a P-square, Wande Coal or Makossa dance steps (You get the drift). Needless to say, they usually sleep through the sermon as they have over spent their energy.
The would-be intellectual: This types - usually blokes - think they have heard it all. From Aristotle to Socrates, from Blaise Pascal to CS Lewis they have heard all the finer arguments for and against the existence of God. They usually appear in church once in a while, sit at the back and look condenscendingly at the delusion of others around them.
The Gizmo Kid: These types are usually blokes again, but I have seen quite a few female versions. Bible on the iPhone or iPod, ear phones plugged in until church starts, dem can pose!

What not to say to my Nigerian Father...

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 13:12:30 +0000

Growing up in my own neck of the woods was an experience. We nicknamed our Pops the Ogbodons - not sure where the term originated from any more but my back side was a living testimony to his varied abilities and multiplied skills in inflicting pain. Mum didn’t help matters as she was was as resolute in hammering our ’evil’ proclivities out of our systems. I got the opportunity to contrast that parenting style a few weekends back when I went visiting some distant family members in London. Clearly their less than 3 year old daughter has more leeway with him than I do with my own parents at my (huge) age.

In which 'Kasala' nearly burst....

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 21:43:22 +0000

Kpekere was one of them typical razz waffy boys.. Clean shaven aside of a goatee, not too tall, legs slightly bowed and with rippling muscles under the skin tight tee-shirts he wore, he had a menacing look around him. He was suave in his own way though, waffy slangs rolled off his tongue like melting lollipops, enthralling us , especially when he chose to regale us with tales of his supposed exploits bunkering crude oil in the creeks. His skin was a very light shade of brown – a testament to a randy Portuguese ancestor back in the day. With lots of cash to spare, being a tough tackling no-nonsense central defender in the Department’s Football side added to the aura of hardman that surrounded him, and he used it to good effect.

Obsequies?

Fri, 15 May 2009 19:16:45 +0000

With gratitude to ‘God’ for a life well spent, and with deepest sorrow and condolences to her survivors, I the undersigned wish to announce the passing away of our most loyal, productive and dearly beloved friend, helper, encourager and employee – the one and only Miss Eleganza Biro, which sad event occurred on the 15th of May 2009 after a brief illness.

Miss Biro assumed duties as examination biro at B &A on the 4th of December 2008 and presided over a very fruitful period of examinations, the highlight of which was improving average performance by over 60% year on year. In recognition of such stellar performance, she was promptly elevated to the position of Biro-at-large, one she held until her recent untimely death.

On six pack abs, and my all new 6-week mega program!

Fri, 08 May 2009 01:55:19 +0000

I never had a six pack. Even at the height of my athletic prowess, back in the day when I was the starting defensive midfielder a la Dietmar Hamman for my departmental soccer team (hey, only for two games, but I was first choice!), I still had that tell- tale bele– the ineluctable consequence of blasting moles of eba at Mama Clara’s Buka 12. Way back then, it was still possible to grab three wraps of eba, and a ring of fish with a mixture of egusi and ogbono soups for all of twenty naira. And us kpakorized Engineering boys duly worked it to a fault, thanks to Mama Clara delivering piping hot eba timed to perfection. Thursday with Baba Sala was our nadir; 7 straight hours of back breaking, morale sapping, soul mortifying Engineering drawing made us prime candidates for a double dose of the Campus-famous eba and mixture that was Buka 12’s specialty - first at 8.30am enroute DO2 and then by 4.30pm on the way back.

Classified... Certified e-Akara maker required

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:49:15 +0000

Err… so all in one week – I grilled chicken to dryness and almost set off fire alarms, my diet has consisted only of spaghetti, chicken and chips, I woke up today craving/lusting for piping hot akara, and my mum has been on my case. So I am putting out a classified ad for a certified akara maker. Enjoy

Job Title: Certified e-Akara Maker Req ID: JustDB-09-20/2011 Category: Multiple Location: StuckVille, Limboland

Embarrassed...... and then a 'gene' for making friends...

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 08:16:00 +0000

Had one of my most embarrassing moments in class a couple of days back.. I’ve not recovered from the lousy sleep patterns i picked up while studying for exams..As such I’ve basically being only able to get to sleep in the 2.30 am - 4am time frame. Coupled with the fact that serious (boring) lectures have started, its been a real serious irritant… Things definitely went pear shaped a few days back when in the midst of a very boring lecture, sleep started trying to blast my eyes.. I tried every trick i knew - chewing gum, bouncing my feet, forcing my eyes to focus on the board - all to no avail.. Most embarrassing moment occurred when i actually fell asleep and let out a miniature snore…..Thankfully, it was nipped almost in the bud.. But it still drew a few peals of laughter from the peeps in the class.. Almost felt like I should just vanish.. Anyways I think I’m over it now…

Dear Santa......

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:00:00 +0000

JustDB, Dept of Razness, Faculty of 9janess, University of Somewhere, Someplace, SM5 10PL, Wherever. Date: Whenever this reaches you. eMail: Raz9ijaboi@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Santa, I write to table my most sincere wishes for this year’s Christmas tree to you. As you will most graciously remember, none of the things I asked for last year were delivered, possibly because some bully or some tall, dark and handsome dude (in the case of the wonderful girl down the road) hijacked them before they got to me. I understand your best efforts but would appreciate it if you could include some insurance on the postage to ensure I can at least put in a claim if the items get hijacked this year again.

One Minute Madness

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 05:32:00 +0000

Na wah o!!! Just saw my man ‘Pescara’ nearly trading blows with an ‘Okada’ rider on the road o.. The issue? A hand trolley pusher on the road had strayed off the kerb onto the road and the car he was in had to stop suddenly.. As a result the motor bike behind the svelte 406 he was in slammed into the car’s rear end and fell on the ground.. Rather than the bike man to accept he was wrong and apologize, he launched into a tirade in the local language about ‘people who use stolen money to buy cars and then consitute hazards to other road users"