Humor

I never had a six pack. Even at the height of my athletic prowess, back in the day when I was the starting defensive midfielder a la Dietmar Hamman for my departmental soccer team (hey, only for two games, but I was first choice!), I still had that tell- tale bele– the ineluctable consequence of blasting moles of eba at Mama Clara’s Buka 12. Way back then, it was still possible to grab three wraps of eba, and a ring of fish with a mixture of egusi and ogbono soups for all of twenty naira. And us kpakorized Engineering boys duly worked it to a fault, thanks to Mama Clara delivering piping hot eba timed to perfection. Thursday with Baba Sala was our nadir; 7 straight hours of back breaking, morale sapping, soul mortifying Engineering drawing made us prime candidates for a double dose of the Campus-famous eba and mixture that was Buka 12’s specialty - first at 8.30am enroute DO2 and then by 4.30pm on the way back. ...

Err… so all in one week – I grilled chicken to dryness and almost set off fire alarms, my diet has consisted only of spaghetti, chicken and chips, I woke up today craving/lusting for piping hot akara, and my mum has been on my case. So I am putting out a classified ad for a certified akara maker. Enjoy Job Title: Certified e-Akara Maker Req ID: JustDB-09-20/2011 Category: Multiple Location: StuckVille, Limboland ...

Had one of my most embarrassing moments in class a couple of days back.. I’ve not recovered from the lousy sleep patterns i picked up while studying for exams..As such I’ve basically being only able to get to sleep in the 2.30 am - 4am time frame. Coupled with the fact that serious (boring) lectures have started, its been a real serious irritant… Things definitely went pear shaped a few days back when in the midst of a very boring lecture, sleep started trying to blast my eyes.. I tried every trick i knew - chewing gum, bouncing my feet, forcing my eyes to focus on the board - all to no avail.. Most embarrassing moment occurred when i actually fell asleep and let out a miniature snore…..Thankfully, it was nipped almost in the bud.. But it still drew a few peals of laughter from the peeps in the class.. Almost felt like I should just vanish.. Anyways I think I’m over it now… ...

JustDB, Dept of Razness, Faculty of 9janess, University of Somewhere, Someplace, SM5 10PL, Wherever. Date: Whenever this reaches you. eMail: Raz9ijaboi@yahoo.co.uk Dear Santa, I write to table my most sincere wishes for this year’s Christmas tree to you. As you will most graciously remember, none of the things I asked for last year were delivered, possibly because some bully or some tall, dark and handsome dude (in the case of the wonderful girl down the road) hijacked them before they got to me. I understand your best efforts but would appreciate it if you could include some insurance on the postage to ensure I can at least put in a claim if the items get hijacked this year again. ...

Na wah o!!! Just saw my man ‘Pescara’ nearly trading blows with an ‘Okada’ rider on the road o.. The issue? A hand trolley pusher on the road had strayed off the kerb onto the road and the car he was in had to stop suddenly.. As a result the motor bike behind the svelte 406 he was in slammed into the car’s rear end and fell on the ground.. Rather than the bike man to accept he was wrong and apologize, he launched into a tirade in the local language about ‘people who use stolen money to buy cars and then consitute hazards to other road users" ...