Personal

For Me….In the midst of potentially destabilizing change… The hot seat …..is the hot seat…. The place where you are put on the spot, and come under the most intense scrutiny possible. Here, the basis of your Faith is rigorously examined and the coherence of your worldview is systematically evaluated. It is the zone where well meaning words become dry platitudes devoid of any soothing balm, where textbook solutions fall apart, where time tested strategies cannot even begin to scratch the surface of the sickness that a hope deferred brings. ...

Dear Mom.. It’s that time of the year again, when we should gather to celebrate you and the influence you have been on our lives. Unfortunately, yet again I am far away, so far this time that I cannot even remotely be part of the event. Knowing you, I know its typically low key, a gathering of the special people in your life – which is basically Dad and us – the brood you’ve given your all for. We are all scattered far and wide now – me, kid bro, both sisters and all the numerous cousins but you have a special place in our hearts. ...

Its midway through the year already…. 2009 has sped by with alarming inerrancy…. And the midway point will soon be reached…….I find myself musing, questioning, probing and sifting through the evidence hoping to find proof that I have indeed focused on the right things so far that will make the most difference when push comes to shove and the bricks fall down as though ripped to shreds by a tsunami of cataclysmic proportions……….The big chronological milestone approaches too, and with it comes a sense of dread - I will officially become ‘old’ in my book - but then on the other hand is some gratefulness for still being alive against all odds….. …… Its taking stock time here………….I really hope the verdict is not “mene mene tekel parsin”

Are words merely words on a page, or are they snippets of a hidden soul that have somehow escaped to grant a preview to the uninitiated of the intangibles that lie beneath the surface? Perhaps, words in reality bear no extant connection to the mind that inspired the hand that bore the pen that crafted them and are devoid of a life of their own; only sketching a reality that is at best virtual and concocted. ...

First off.. Our PROJECT is live……. Stop over and show us some love aight! ABlackJamesBond asked a particularly intriguing question on the last post on his blog - contemplating. Would the boy you were yesterday be proud of the man you are today? I wish I had straight forward answers, a Yes or a No. But I’m finding out that the more I think about it, the more it seems the answer is both Yes and No. Yes, I’ve met and exceeded most of my targets; No because in some regards, I have done stuff the boy of yesterday, who stood with great enthusiasm on the cusp of greatness would cringe to even hear of. Deep down sometimes I argue with myself, wondering if perhaps I have even delivered on the huge potentials I know I once had. ...

It seems only like yesterday that I stood in your shoes, on the verge of turning twenty-one. My mind was a maelstrom of feelings; not all of which I could understand. On the one hand was nostalgia for all the memories of growing up and on the other trepidation. I had just left the University and I was going to miss the ‘mountain top experiences’ - the uninhibited exuberance of worshiping together on a Sunday afternoon, the wonderful friendships that had been developed over the tenure of my stay, the nights spent in raucous laughter as we talked about everything under the sun - everything. I felt some trepidation, a nagging concern at the monstrous changes that I was on the verge of undergoing. Lots of issues swirled around my mind – what final grade would I make? Where would I be deployed to serve the nation? Would I get a job? Was a Masters’ Degree the ultimate coup de grace I needed to launch myself into my chosen career? Had I learned all I needed to succeed in life? I had plans, that had me doing things I had only seen in my dreams. ...

Yours truly spent the weekend; the part not spent on Facebook, Twitter or playing Football Manager that is, thinking about all the things I need to sort out in the next phase of life for my aging self! Here are the Seven things I have to get done, in no particular order, before Heaven beckons…. Marry the akara making Halle berry/ Gordon Ramsay/ Martha Stewart superwoman of my dreams! Write the best-selling collection of poems and or the book that gets me on the cover of TIME magazine and rave reviews as the new Shakespeare (speaking at TED would be a great alternative!) Swivel in my chair and dictate global Pipeline Integrity Policy from my corner office at Corporate HQ on 800 Bell street for at least 20 years.. Walk a tight-rope stretched taut over the Niagara falls (or if my keg prevents me, pretend to!) Get to retire to my yacht in the Caribbean and watch the sun set for at least another 20 years! Make a one time donation of at least ten million dollars to World Vision, Compassion, or preferably Stepping Stones Nigeria. Last and not the least, get some legit toe-curling, head twisting, mind boggling you-know-what.. Daaaayuuum…. Its a Sunday.. Enough of the day dreams - I’m off to Church!

I identified a few key things that I need to work on in my life to improve on myself majorly. The prioritized list I will be working off is below: Develop a reading schedule: financial, self motivation, self esteem, writing and career related books. Schedule times for laptop gaming, internet and other non essential activites. Build a plan for improving my life in the categories of Al Mohler’s excellent piece - The Marks of Real Manhood. Develop a plan for regular bible study and prayer, determine a time and stick to it Document my peculiar sin vulnerabilities: identify the triggers and fight for the life of me! Identify two mentors - one in the workplace and one for my personal life. Set up weekly teleconferences or meetings as appropriate. De-clutter my life. Reassess all my people connections and downsize to a manageable number. Complete my MSc, identify critical modules I will require in the work place and read up on them before I get to resume work. Get a complete physical exam done. Identify any potential health vulnerabilities and ensure they are in line for focused attention. Maintain my weight - can’t afford to increase health risk levels by bulking up. Develop mechanisms for tracking and assessing need before expenditure. Consider adding a need assessment module to my excel tracking sheet. Read up on investment opportunities in Nigeria. Develop mechanisms for assessing investments and prioritizing them for action. Identify worthy causes and get plugged into a couple. Hopefully, I will be able to state categorically at the end of the year that I have worked through the list.. I then shall measure effectiveness and decide which new directions I need to chase!

I never had a six pack. Even at the height of my athletic prowess, back in the day when I was the starting defensive midfielder a la Dietmar Hamman for my departmental soccer team (hey, only for two games, but I was first choice!), I still had that tell- tale bele– the ineluctable consequence of blasting moles of eba at Mama Clara’s Buka 12. Way back then, it was still possible to grab three wraps of eba, and a ring of fish with a mixture of egusi and ogbono soups for all of twenty naira. And us kpakorized Engineering boys duly worked it to a fault, thanks to Mama Clara delivering piping hot eba timed to perfection. Thursday with Baba Sala was our nadir; 7 straight hours of back breaking, morale sapping, soul mortifying Engineering drawing made us prime candidates for a double dose of the Campus-famous eba and mixture that was Buka 12’s specialty - first at 8.30am enroute DO2 and then by 4.30pm on the way back. ...

Sometimes clarity hits you suddenly, at other times the obvious slowly becomes apparent. I don’t quite know any more which case my epiphany was – bottom line though is that at some stage I finally realized that I had the beginnings of a mid life crisis in hand. On the surface though, life was great - good prospects, nice reputation, the whole nice guy persona, great friends and a life most people would envy. The harsh reality though is that life couldn’t be farther than that! ...