Dating

I walked away- with your face stolen from a crowded room……….. Now you are on my skin, in my mouth - and hair as if you were always woven in my walk… Yusef Komunyakaa said it much better than I could ever say…

A bride should be five years younger than her groom, should come from the same cultural background, and be the more intelligent of the pair if couples are to have a successful marriage, scientists have announced. Apparently the critical difference in intelligence is 27%… leading to a 20% increase in the probability of a good marriage. Perhaps eHarmony can include these critical findings in their much vaunted Compatibility algorithm. I have already included them in my spreadsheet! ...

The following is an attempt to be coherent at 3.45am. If the logic is fuzzy, the imagery abstruse and the conclusions bother on the insane, blame it on reading Malcolm Gladwell into the wee hours of the morning! In response to my rant/ sobfest in March about losing my friend Di, LoloBloggs pointed me to a post in which she argued that the right girl, wrong time argument was merely an excuse to prime women up for the inevitable future break up. Whilst that may be true in some situations, in one of those not-so random brain waves, it crossed my mind that the rightness or wrongness of the argument was peripheral to the fact that it fit the observed data for a reason - it is pragmatic! A further thought was a what-if, what if there exists a third dimension that when coupled with the right person and the right time serves as a useful predictor of how likely a person-connection is likely to proceed beyond the realms of casual acquaintance-ship? I would like to suggest that that third dimension is that of context. ...

She popped up on my IM window today – the first time in months that she has. In an oddly unsettling way, it seems odd that she appeared. Odd becuase a mere few months ago, we were seemingly inseparable. I was caught in two minds - to buzz her or not… Truth is there was never any closure. All we had was a slow drifting apart as we each sought to focus more on our own things…. In theory, we are still normal – still friends, still confidants - the only difference from the days of a somewhat burgeoning friendship being the fact that life has happened, and squeezed the ‘thing’ I thought could grow into a dry lifeless crust. ...

I am all for defining my people connections upfront (DTRs) …… The thing about them though is that they are tricky……. Too soon, and you run the risk of permanently pulverizing some real bridges before they even get built…….. Too late, and you’re mired in the morass of the ‘just friends’ zone….. That night we had the inevitable talk and faced the ineluctable moment of truth….. Faced with a choice she said….. ...

You know you are a chronic bachelor when… People at more than two diners know you on a first name basis - clearly you have eaten out sooooo much that you are now an honorary share holder. The favorite inside joke among your friends is about how ’easy’ your wedding will be - no need to seriously chase a little bride or a little groom as friends daughters and sons will provide that. The scrawny little kid who used to run around naked in the streets, plastered with sand has now morphed into a delectable mid-twenties chic, and she pitches in once in a while about wanting to chop your cake! You get unsolicited email addresses and phone numbers from your peeps. They have decided to take matters into their hands by bombarding you with options. Your father jokingly reminds you of how he met, chased and eventually married your mother. Sadly that is about as subtle as HE can get! You get quizzed about any girl you are remotely associated with. Even the one who owes you money and only dropped by to negotiate the payment terms! The Uncle who has not spoken to you in aeons suddenly invites you over for a family vist three times in a month and takes you on a cruise to singles church. Mr sharp man uncle is trying to showcase your talents to the crouching wolves and hoping your bachelor tinted eyes will suddenly wake up. Your favorite aunt snatches her baby bag from you whilst you are trying to help pack up after a family night out. Her argument is that she doesn’t want anybody to think you are either married or a single father. You are suddenly analyzing the pros and cons of taking the chase online. When you and your friends meet up after long absences they eventually pop the question. ‘Soooooo, gist me, what has being happening to you’. Oh and they don’t mean work!

Found this two part story, exploring the difference love can make in the life of someone on my favorite webzine - Boundless. Really touching. Enjoy Part One and Part Two.

I don’t wanna feel like this tomorrow I don’t wanna live like this today Make me feel better I wanna feel better Stay with me here now And never surrender Today, in a bizarre moment of clarity, I realized I had parked my bus for way too long at a bus stop that wasn’t mine… A lot of energy was dissipated, focus diluted and time irretrievably wasted in the process.. Funnily, I knew a year ago very clearly what I should have done - it was reiterated very strongly five months ago - but the deeply seated nostalgic memories continued to keep me deluded, holding me in a mistaken belief that it could work and banishing my usually ruthless streak to the background… ...

Day Zero. You meet her on one of those days. Boredom morphs into irritation, topped off with despondency. Your 8-4 (5-9) is especially dull on the day. Madam Bosco, your loud mouthed, over-bearing boss rips into you as usual over the ever yawning chasm between your targets and your deliveries. The heat seems to have major intentions of causing grievous bodily harm in any case. That is when the ‘gods’ of the internet and itchy fingers contrive to send Her your way. ...

Perhaps another slant at the ‘just friends’ conundrum is in order here. Read Uncle Theo’s take on the undefined Guy-Girl connection here.