Friends on A Geek's Life

Of Cross roads...

Sun, 10 Nov 2019 11:00:09 +0000

Image Source: Lachlan Donald on Unsplash

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about crossroads - the metaphorical kind of course - points in one’s life where decisions with the potential to change the trajectory of one’s life are foisted upon one. The triggers for this latest bout of thinking are varied but the one common thread is a sense of dissatisfaction which has simmered below the surface for most of the year. Turning forty is certainly part of that, particularly as in its immediate aftermath, it felt like I had reached the top of a mountain only to find there was nothing to be seen there. There is also the desire to head down south for good for family reasons, which perhaps has declared open season on everything I have done for work over the past fifteen-ish years. In the rarefied atmosphere in which my thought experiments exist, everything is an option: from a complete pivot away from oil and gas into something more tech-related, through a less severe move away from being the (siloed) technical specialist I have spent the past few years evolving into becoming more of a generalist to a gap year, travelling the world.

Thankful Thursdays: 2019 Week 38

Thu, 19 Sep 2019 20:19:11 +0000

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Second week since I’ve restarted these, and the first in which I have been trying to keep a log in my notebook through the week. Here goes:

Several times over the last seven days I’ve managed to bust out several good runs ranging from 5 to 10km. Given a mere three years ago, I could hardly complete 2.5km in a go, going the distances I now can is something to be grateful for.
Meetups with people I have known through work dominated my social life this past week. First off was a catch up with R who I shared an office with when I first joined my current company back in 2011 and who I have stayed friends with. I have him to thank for making the effort to draw me out from the shy, reserved, headphones-in-my-ears-all-the-time guy I was when I joined. The other meetup was with M, at a Nigerian eatery in town. He managed the pepper OK, and we have notionally agreed to do this every quarter, if we can.
The other big catchup was with S, whom I hadn’t spoken to in quite some time. It is always amazing to catch up with someone I haven’t in a while and then the conversation just seems to continue from where it stops. Grateful for friends!
My relationship with my local church (and the big C church to be honest) isn’t the greatest at all. Having managed to drag myself there last Sunday, quite a few things said seem to hit right home and capture the moment where I am at the moment.

31 Days of Journaling, Day 11: A Band of Brothers

Sun, 11 Nov 2018 10:14:40 +0000

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

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For Day 11, the question is “Do you have a gang of friends who push and support you? If not, how could you make some good friends?” As with all the questions so far which have related to friends, I’ll have to hold my hand up again and say this is an area where significant improvement is required. That being said, I have a number of acquaintances in this city with whom I could be better engaged. A number of them are in the same season of life as I am which bodes well I suspect for our being able to band together for mutual support. First things first then, I’ll look to schedule a catchup with a couple of the guys, particularly D and R.

A Sense of An Ending?

Fri, 24 Aug 2018 07:37:02 +0000

Spread out in various states of recline around a long table in the inner room of the Indian restaurant we have gathered in, I imagine we cast a scene not too dissimilar to [the last supper.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Supper_(Leonardo_da_Vinci) Not only are we thirteen (ignoring for a moment that S is barely 9 months old), it is a last supper of sorts, pulled together to celebrate the two J’s, in these their final days up here before they up sticks and move to study not too far off from ground zero in America’s bible belt. That we’ve plopped for Indian cuisine is perhaps a slight oddity given all thirteen of us have African roots. I suspect it is more indicative of the paucity of suitable eating options than adventure, which is why phones come out when it is time to order; google comes to the rescue. All that drags out the ordering process, which has a knock on effect on when we get our food.

Church, In Three Things...

Tue, 30 Jan 2018 06:14:59 +0000

Photo by John Price on Unsplash

Three things over the weekend brought into relief why my relationship with church can sometimes feel conflicted; swinging from the deeply emotive to the somewhat irritating over the course of a few days.

First off was a truly immersive worship experience on Sunday morning, one in which the songs seemed God-sent especially for me, particularly Jaye Thomas’We Wait For You which is one of my favourites. Off the back of that, I went home and binged on worship music on Spotify.

#89 - Questions for the Universe, 3

Thu, 31 Mar 2016 15:25:03 +0000

If someone pops into your mind and then a few days later they email you out of the blue… Is the universe speaking, or are you - like all confused people - calling a coincidence an omen?

#Pondering

#82- Killing Time...

Thu, 24 Mar 2016 21:07:35 +0000

Waiting for O to appear, twenty minutes after I arrive even though she had a seven minute heads up… I guess I’ll chalk that up as a learning experience…

#Learning

#54 - Sated

Thu, 25 Feb 2016 22:37:11 +0000

We meet up - at the third time of trying - at the only place there is of note, Union Square. After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, we settle for TGIF, the steak, rib and shrimp meal the perfect counterpoint to the 46 days of minimal feeding we have gotten through. There is a lot to catch up on - work, women and all the other things single, semi-bored Aberdonian chaps whine about. When we agree to head our separate ways at 9.30pm, it is having been fully sated, all caught up on nine month worth of life, and with an agreement in principle to make this a monthly affair..

#34 - Games Night

Fri, 05 Feb 2016 23:43:11 +0000

Hanging with the young adults at church

#Banter

#33 - Thursday Evening Shenanigans

Thu, 04 Feb 2016 22:10:41 +0000

An Indian, a Weegie and a Nigerian walk into a Spanish tapas place *insert whatever joke you deem fit*.. More seriously though it is a fitting end to what has been a hectic week, hanging out with G and D from work @La Tasca; gin and tonics and red wine lubricating our throats all evening long.

#Work #Bants

#13 - 25 kids, 25 years

Fri, 15 Jan 2016 23:45:58 +0000

Sometime in the late 80’s/ early 90’s.. The place: a University in Ekpoma, Nigeria.. The people: kids and teachers from the Chapel’s Children’s Sunday School, a few of whom I still remember by name - all grown up now. A few dead people (RIP Gracie, GB, ‘Lena and Harold), one fairly famous (Nigerian) fashion designer (M) and seven kids who made it into engineering with a further six involved in other STEM subjects.

#10 - Reliving Christmas

Tue, 12 Jan 2016 21:23:25 +0000

Food, fluids and friendships.. The highlights of days of Christmas past..

About Town - Conversations, Nandos and Catching Up on Reading

Tue, 09 Sep 2014 19:01:58 +0000

Somehow last Friday, I found myself at Nandos. Somehow doesn’t quite tell the full story given it had more than a hint of conscious effort to it, and my history with the darned place. I suspect it had more to do with a sense of longing than anything else seeing as the last time I was here was in early July. Then, the closest thing to the distinctly autumnal chill I now felt was the distant memory of spring’s tail as she ambled past, urged on by our nearly - but not quite summery - summer. I managed to score my regular table, number 11, proceeding to order the self-same meal I have ordered on each of the 100 + times since May 2012 that I’ve been here – half a chicken in lemon and herb, and a mixed leaf salad.

Day 7 - Reconnect with an Old Friend

Sat, 07 Jun 2014 22:55:55 +0000

Day 7 of the Better Man in 30 days Challenge - Reconnect with an Old Friend

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The challenge was to reconnect with an old friend, by letter, email or phone (not Twitter). Cheated (slightly) as I did my reconnection over iMessage. A tad more in keeping with the spirit of reconnecting than a letter given the back and forth of instant messaging I think.. Or not.. Claiming this as done though, regardless. :)

Getting Directions, Movie-thons and Sunday afternoon conversations

Tue, 11 Mar 2014 21:59:56 +0000

Still slightly depressed from all that’s happened to rock my world over the last few weeks, I drag myself down to Union Square having left work thirty minutes early. I am hoping that a little window shopping – and fresh air – will do my foul mood some good. Thirty minutes later, having made a pit stop at TK Maxx, mooched around Sole Trader and JD Sports I find myself at the Jones shop, pondering the wisdom or otherwise of splurging on a gorgeous pair of Timberland boat shoes I have found.

House Warming...

Tue, 09 Jul 2013 19:15:44 +0000

I was the first person in, just before 4.00pm. I had no choice but to RSVP in the affirmative when my friend O.’s invite to his house warming party finally arrived, largely because I had harassed encouraged him strongly into putting it together. He had just bought a house on the other side of town, and starved of hanging out time, I’d seized upon that as an excuse to badger him into setting something up.

London calling...

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 04:22:47 +0000

London calls… Having manfully beaten its lure over the holidays to enable a much needed season of introspection, I had to cave in to summons over the phone from my Uncle C, especially because he and el madre seemed to be in cahoots on this one.

Ostensibly, the reason for the summons are my lack of endeavour in the girl stakes. My strategy has been to keep them in the dark on the details of my love life/ non-love life. Somehow Uncle C convinced Mum that our corner of the world up in Scotland is a hell hole of sorts with next to zero prospects of meeting eligible women, hence the need to get me out there in London.

Thankful Thursdays #42

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 22:03:04 +0000

Thankful for:

Progress: After moaning on and on about being seemingly at a stand still my grad school applications appear to be moving again - received admission documents to the Welding Engineering program at Kirkland Lake, my Nigerian transcripts and references I’d requested from one of my old mates back in Nigeria.
Timely pick-me-ups: My small circle of friends comes through time and time again. This time I am thankful for the one buddy who responded to my (admittedly attention seeking :p tweet) about hurtling on, my cryptic expression for the phase of life where I feel like I am at a stand still. There was a whole back story to that, but I’m thankful for the listening ear.
Knowledgeable others: That I remain single is not for want of trying on my friends’ parts. Even though it sometimes feels like meddling, I have to admit it gives me a wee boost to know that they feel like I have unique selling points that will improve the lives of their sisters, nieces and best friends. :) That’s my reason and I’m sticking to it.

The weekend of debauchery (that wasn't)

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 11:13:45 +0000

It was supposed to be the weekend that banished my 2011 troubles from memory and got me to let my hair down - something I admittedly do not do often enough. There was the small matter of needing to send in my passport to Mama Charlie’s lackeys for an extension to my residence permit, as well as navigating a week of water survival training (given my well documented aversion for large water bodies).

A little piece of autumn, brain drain and chance meetings

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 18:25:59 +0000

It is the end of August, and the new crowd is in town. I imagine the cold, wet and windy autumnal weather can hardly be the sort of welcome anyone from warmer climes could have been expecting, but for those of us north of the border, it is our lot, and moan as we may, it is what we are stuck with.

Union Street is pretty much akin to Port Harcourt’s Aba Road, and every time a fresh batch of people hits town it swells like a river straining at its banks. As I pick my way through the human traffic I spot elements of the new crowd. It is always easy to spot them - either by the fact that they walk in groups of two or three, peering at maps, and chattering loudly in whatever their native tongue is, clearly excited at the new adventure they have set themselves, or by the fact that they are dressed up to the nines, over coat, head warmer, gloves and all, even though it is barely September.

Thankful... for blokes who can relate

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 19:52:23 +0000

Between my two year itch arriving a couple of months early and a plethora of little niggling issues, I spent the last month battling a feeling of malaise. My default response has been to internalise it, suck it up and put on a brave face, but during a phone call with my friend A over the weekend I broke down and let it all out.

I wish I could say all the issues were resolved, but truth is they are not.. There is though the relief finally un-loading the tangled issues to someone who understands brings, and the improved clarity that has resulted. For that I am thankful for top blokes who are interested enough to dig beneath the façade, and then to listen…. If only they also had a wand to wave it all away… :(

About Town: The birthday party edition

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 21:38:29 +0000

Given our propensity to moan about the little corner of the North East where we currently live, it is somewhat strange that I, and the four or so long term friends I have here, do not make time out to meet up more often. In fairness to my friend O, it is not for want of his trying; several attempts to organise a meet up have floundered, torpedoed by our wildly varying schedules and travel plans.

Thankful... the kinda random thursday edition

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 17:44:34 +0000

Thankful for:

Top blokes: Met up for dinner with a chap I once worked for in Nigeria. He was one of the more senior engineers on my first job, was in town participating in a design review and called me up for dinner. We met up at an Italian place in town. The nachos were delightful, the spaghetti and meat balls were awesome too, plus he paid. Now I know where to take the lasses I am eyeing to for a ‘spoiling’ session. :)
Fortuitous nose bleeds: I haven’t had nosebleeds in a long time, at best they are unnecessary irritations at worst they can spoil a perfectly good day. In a first for me, a nosebleed saved my bum in a meeting just before I was due to get a grilling, talk about unintended consequences…
Milestone birthdays: Someone really close turned fifty (not me). Thankful for the opportunity to have shared their life over the past few years.

Thankful... for unintended meet ups

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 20:18:41 +0000

Amidst the madness - sometimes controlled but largely tottering on the edge of spontaneous combustion - that has marked the last couple of months, it has become increasingly difficult to meet up with what few friends I have left in town. This week has been typical; planning a plant turnaround, updating the 2012 business plan and hosting a couple of blokes from Corporate HQ concurrently have combined to make this another one of those long arduous weeks. Leaving the office late for the umpteenth time, on a whim I decide to make a pit stop at the Nando’s next door. It appears fairly deserted for a Thursday evening. Usually the family friendly spaces are crowded on a Thursday evening - so it is strange that I find a seat without so much as a wait.

Putting More Men on the job

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 22:10:11 +0000

Amidst the continuing babble of concerned friends, I may have hit upon my very own final solution. Granted it is decidedly more benign than the Nazi version, but as a strategy to buy myself much needed respite, it has worked like a charm. When asked awkward questions about being single when hanging out with the lads, my answer goes along the lines of being too busy, but declaring that I am very open to recommendations from so-called ‘knowledgeable others’.

TGIF - The getting grief edition

Fri, 20 May 2011 22:03:47 +0000

Friday night just happened. A flat battery led to two of the guys hitching a ride with a third back to the city centre. The fourth guy happened to be home alone after his wife and kids travelled to Nigeria, and I the perpetually ‘alone’ guy was asked to tag along. All five of us piled into our friend K’s 4-wheeler and we decided to hit the an African spot to unwind.

At the insistence of O.

Sat, 07 May 2011 19:44:21 +0000

I owe my Saturday afternoon out to the persistence of my friend O. It is 3.30pm when his call comes in. Having taken the luxury of a long weekend off, I have rocked my couch well nigh to extinction, subsisting on NCIS and CSI and re-runs of The District on the television. The bright and sunny day out there has not been enough to lure me out of my comfort zone. He has been holed up for a different reason. Finals on his PhD are coming up thick and fast, and he is grateful for the chance to take a breather.

Beating the flu, conversations over lunch and a question of faith...

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 21:20:07 +0000

I finally beat my bout of the flu. Two days off work away from the cesspool of infection and re-infection - and a strong smelling concoction served up by my friend O - proved the final sucker punch that knocked out the few remaining colonies of the bug I picked up. I still do not consider myself at 100% fit, but at least it has become possible to settle into a close approximation of my old routines even though a slight headache remains.

Free Food's great...

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 06:27:14 +0000

Free food is great, especially when you are a confirmed bachelor with an aversion for cooking. I’m sure if my pots and pans have a choice they would vote to have me back in their next ’lives’. Such is the ease of their lives! Providence must have decided to be kind to me though, as a few hours after complaining of feeling listless I got a phone call from my work buddy O to head off to the beach. He and I have an inside joke where I hail him as my mentor and he says I’m much too old to be mentored by him, and considering the boring lives we lead, hanging out is always a plus. Fast forward a few hours and we head off to the beach where we go to this Chinese buffet thingy at Jimmy Chung. Two huge cokes, lamb ribs, some curried rice and soup later, we could belch with satisfaction at a great days work - all for nine pounds. I should definitely do this again!

Friends.....

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:26:00 +0000

Caught up with Olu again - he and I sat down in the car, engines revving pouring our hearts out on the various issues in our lives. After being so similar for such a long time, our lives cannot be more divergent going forward. He is heading back to Nigeria semi-permanently, I am looking forward to yet another winter here.

Life is good though, and the time spent chatting up has thrown up a few new directions. That is what friends are for I suspect.

The 'Just Friends' Conundrum..

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:16:00 +0000

Perhaps another slant at the ‘just friends’ conundrum is in order here. Read Uncle Theo’s take on the undefined Guy-Girl connection here.

The Damned Recession

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 12:13:00 +0000

Had a particularly soothing phone call with the bestie today - Olu and I are in a similar place - uncertain about returning to our old jobs in Nigeria and all that…. As usual we rambled on about many things - book work, wives/ girl friends, our Nigerian folks and the like. Eventually, we got to talk about post-study plans and all what not.. He’s open for both options - the UK or Nigeria, as I am. There’s still some time till we decide one way or the other, so I shall just keep my fingers crossed, and take it from there!

When death calls...

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 21:03:47 +0000

They say the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh… Heard some really heart wrenching news today after signing on to Yahoo Messenger on a whim. An old friend of mine is no more - dead.. The worst part is that she’d been dead for over a year, and I only got to know today.