Musing

Photo credits - David Goehring, Flickr - - All I remember from the immediate aftermath of hitting the red button which terminates the FaceTime conversation I have been having with G is a feeling of reeling and of sinking, how I imagine the driver of a car suddenly swept off a road into the icy depths of a lake might feel - disoriented, numb and perhaps too taken aback to have any real appreciation of the import of what has just happened. There is good reason to feel this way, given the act - symbolic as it were - is one that brings to an end what has been a good year of sorts, and that only for the third time ever. To reach this place, where what is a painful, hard fought decision has been taken, has required months of agony and wrestling - weighing the pros of trying to save face against the cons of loss, of time and sunken investments. That G and I work, by and large, has made the decision even more difficult; that a milestone birthday of sorts for me has just passed complicates things even more. ...

The last few months for me have been quotidian - bereft of any but the most mundane exertions of eating, sleeping and surfing the internet. Thanks to the fortuitous event of my getting a real job a few months ahead of schedule, I have convinced myself that all I should be doing at this time is to rest and prepare for the big challenge ahead. Sadly, its been a lot more of rest and ungodly amounts of sleep than any real study or preparation. Am I becoming a bum? January can’t come quickly enough for me it seems.