Thoughts-&-Musings on A Geek's Life

0. Postscript

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 17:00:55 +0000

I struggled to not slip into an overly pessimistic, dystopian view of Nigeria with all its troubles. In the few intervening years I have been away, the Nigerian tragedy has hit close home. As with most other people, it turned out that the Dana air crash had claimed a fairly recent acquaintance of my father’s as it did a couple of friends of friends of Sister #1. It also transpired that she - whether by some quirk of fate, divine orchestration, or plain old chance - had resigned from her poorly paid job as a doctor in the police officers hospital the Friday before the Monday Boko Haram’s bloodbath hit the IG’s offices. One day late and that could have gotten really personal.

Nigeria Bound...

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 13:07:49 +0000

A few weeks ago when I sat down to identify the five or six things that would make 2012 the perfect year, one of the things that eventually came to the fore was carrying over zero holidays in to next year. That by itself shouldn’t have been significant, but between hoarding my holidays for what I thought would be quarterly jaunts westward and my eventual withdrawal into my time honoured silo, I ended up needing a flurry of trips late in the year to claw back what was a huge holiday backlog. Even that was not enough, I ended up losing four days having carried over the maximum seven days into the new year.

Certainly Uncertain....

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 12:46:11 +0000

A few days ago, mid way through a telephone conversation with one of the lads I used to work with in my UX5 days, the delectable lass who joined a few months before I was due to leave overheard our conversation and asked to speak with me.

Even back then, in those early days of 2008, I was the bloke with a 5 year rolling plan complete with milestones, leading and lagging indicators and a roadmap. Her question had an air of inevitability to it; it had to do with the current iteration of the plan. Sadly, I could not give her the reassurances she was seeking – namely that the plan was still on track, and that an invite – amongst other things – would be winging it’s way to her Nigerian post box in the not too distant future.

Bitter-sweet

Tue, 29 May 2012 19:09:10 +0000

I have spent the last few days offsite attending the SPE’s Oilfield Corrosion Conference in Aberdeen. When the email invite first came through, I knew I had to be part of it. The one main gripe I have about my job is the lack of real technical content in it on an ongoing basis. I tend to get sucked into the fire fighting, reactive mode that prevents me from applying my specialist Corrosion & Materials engineering knowledge.

Lessons Learned: On (online) dating

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 22:55:40 +0000

My little experiment in online dating comes to an end over the next few weeks, thanks to expiring subscriptions. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that online dating may not be for me.

If my experience is typical, it would appear the Nigerian man trying online dating has three strikes against him. First is the perception in the wider world of Nigerians as being inherently scam artists. A bevy of websites has sprung up whose MO appears solely to be defining tactics and strategies for identifying Nigerian scam artists and outing them. The three or so women on eHarmony who I made it past guided communication into emailing with suddenly became reticent when I declared I was Nigerian. From a couple of emails a day, things segued into an email a couple of days and then them leaving my emails un-replied.

Seven Priorities for Life

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 08:37:05 +0000

I spent the weekend going through Michael Hyatt’s cute little e-book Creating Your Personal Life Plan. In no particular order, below are the things I feel need to be priorities going forward:

God: World-view, faith, God and how these interact in defining a moral compass for me is a crucial part of my developing fully into the sort of bloke I need to become. It is time for me to start engaging my various proclivities which are preventing me from gaining the clarity of thought and direction that I need.
Health: Whilst I have not had any major health scares, truth is I am overweight by some. A few years ago, I had blood pressures that were way out of the ‘safe’ and ’normal’ zone [Thankfully, I passed my last offshore medical in flying colours]. Keeping fit, counting calories and staying health has to be one of my priorities going forward.
Family: Whilst I remain single at the moment, deep in my heart is a longing to meet someone, find love and raise a family together. Two dimensions stand out here - finding the one and being the sort of bloke she’d want to be with. These both have to be priorities going forward - engaging the ‘knowledgable others’ in my circle and being open enough to solicit, accept and implement honest feedback where it is offered on areas where personal improvement is required.
Personal Development: Learning continuously, and always reviewing where I am versus where I should be has to be a key component of my life. Big things are expected of me, and getting those done depends on continuously improving and finding the over arching knowledge and foresight required to grow into those big roles. This will have two facets: Career, in which I develop into a globally recognised Corrosion/Materials/Integrity Engineer, and personally where I progress and develop my public speaking, and writing skills.
Friends: Given the large number of acquaintances I have, the few real friends I have (and I would count O & I as the two stand out ones at the moment) who time and time again have proven they are worth their weight in gold, and more, deserve some reciprocal attention. They are going to have to be priorities going forward - they’ve earned it!
Finances: Finances are a key part of fulfilling the responsibilities that I will have as a Father, Husband, Son and social justice campaigner. Learning how to manage and grow my money is a critical part of the me I will become.
Service: One more priority is taking all the gifts and blessings that I have been given and pouring them all out in service to others. The details of this are not exactly clear at the moment - especially considering the significant evolution my world view is going through at the moment - but finding the time and the place to make a difference for others ’less blessed’ as to be a priority going forward.

Weighing up the options

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 19:30:54 +0000

The National Marriage Project’s Ten Things about Marriage Young Adults should know says that an introduction by family or acquaintances made up sixty percent of the marriages in their 2004 sample. I suspect the data might be dated – an eHarmony staff [on quora] points to a report they commissioned from Harris Interactive that claims that for 2008-09, 14% of marriages came from connections initiated online.

It does seem to me that having a two pronged approach – being open to introductions from friends and acquaintances, and getting online – should improve a bloke’s chances of meeting The One (if she actually exists, that is). As a result, I have bitten the bullet and signed up for an account at eHarmony, complete with a six month subscription. Given the audacious claims made in the various ads, the scientific lean of the matching system and frankly, the paucity of options, going down this route seemed a no-brainer to me.

Dear God...

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 20:49:15 +0000

I want the next woman, who comes into my life, and loves me to stay for the long run. To love me, as I love her, to give me butterflies in my stomach and awaken my inner protector….

Surely, not too much to ask? I think I’ve thrown walls up around my heart for too long.. Sigh

Counting down...

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 18:34:51 +0000

I think it is a little too early, but out here in ruralville the airwaves are already awash with ads for Christmas get aways. At work our coffee room conversations too are taking a decidedly christmas-sy bent: turkey shopping, holiday bookings, grand children, the company christmas ball and fine wine seem to come to the fore a little easier these days. The weather man promised an Indian summer of sorts, but our sun - for all its light - seems to be the evil twin of the one which terrorised us a scant few months ago, all light and no warmth ably aided by the wind which howls through every open space like a spurned suitor.

Closure

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 08:14:44 +0000

In my head all I want is….

To truly forget
To know that I did my best to make it work
To not have to ponder the what-ifs and maybe’s
To truly move on
And start afresh

Sigh…

An omen, or not?

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 22:36:08 +0000

I suspect it might be the vestigial memories of night bus journeys from Lagos to Abuja back in the day, but my favourite journeys over the last couple of years have been on trains - spotting a rainbow just outside Edinburgh on the way to a job interview in 2009, returning to the North East of England for a weekend of introspection in 2010 and being surprised by the breath taking beauty of a sun bathed Forth Road Bridge, in November no less! Something about watching the grey granite of built up areas segue into lush greenery, and blue clouds, usually leaves me a little awed.

Resolving my credibility deficit

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 12:22:49 +0000

If there is one thing I have learned from returning to work after a year and a half off studying, it is that there is a very tangible credibility deficit that us early-mid-career professionals have to make up when they switch jobs. I define the early-mid-career phase as that stage of the working life between the five year mark and the ten year mark generally corresponding to the period within which the professional exceeds 10,000 working hours.

Bleh....

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 21:14:00 +0000

I finally drag myself out of bed at the third time of asking. It is shaping up to be one of those days; one when an ultra short to-do list will manage to get the better of me. Something about the lack of urgency spawned by a short to-do list has always been my besetting ‘sin’. Today, there is one thing that must needs be done - I’m off to the GP’s to have a 24 hour blood pressure monitoring device fitted.

Questioning the answers..

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 16:56:50 +0000

Having passed several chronological milestones, one increasingly has had to field questions that assume that all the basic competencies required to function as an independent contributor to life in various spheres have been achieved. Invariably these often centre on the achievement of academic, financial, material and career milestones. Amidst the focus on these admittedly essential categories is a lack of focus on the attainment of certain critical thinking skills.

I subscribe to the belief that a child is born with a blank worldview - the so called tabula rasa. Over time he/she acquires knowledge about life; typically by experience. The child thus builds up a worldview- religious, social, cultural, sexual even. At it’s most basic, this worldview is a set of answers for what constitute good, bad, the why of life, meaning, etc. Of necessity, these answers have to be gleaned from others in the early days - parents and relatives, peers, civic and religious leaders and teachers.

On Turning Thirty...

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 14:32:00 +0000

I never celebrated turning thirty. The significance of achieving that chronological milestone was lost in the hustle of every life - a barely discernible peak in the flat line that had become a monotonous existence. I had just lost a cast iron guarantee to return to my old job in Nigeria followed quickly by the petering out of what I thought was a nice, strong girl connection. One day I fell asleep, the next I awoke to being thirty plus.

Going Ons...

Sat, 11 Dec 2010 13:14:29 +0000

The number 16 bus into the city centre is packed - brim full with people heading into town. The atrocious weather of the last few days let up briefly today, and with the imminence of Christmas, everyone seems to be up and about to get the last bits of shopping done. The bus stop where I clamber aboard the number 16 is mid way between the starting terminus and the ending terminus, as such I can only find standing space, ironically next to a sign that ostensibly marks the limits of standing room. Next to me are a mother and her daughter. The daughter cannot be more than six years old and still possesses the unbridled energy and uninhibited curiosity being young and carefree brings. The atmosphere is tense - of the kind where a word out of place potentially could let loose a fire storm. There are people plugged into iPods, people huddled together in groups chatting away and people like me who are alone, with lowered eyes looking into the distance. The little girl becomes the side show though - firing off question after question to her mother, peering into people’s faces, and at some stage leaning in towards her mother and planting a kiss on her cheek whilst whispering “I love you Mum”. When she gives the wizened old lady behind me a fixed stare. I wonder how the bus scene would look like in a different country, south of the Sahara. For the first time in a few months, I remember my mother.

All I want for Christmas...

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 23:19:53 +0000

Dear Santa, I have been a good bloke this year.. Kindly review and revert…

Images do not belong to me…… unfortunately…

Ctrl+Alt+Del

Sat, 17 Jul 2010 17:49:48 +0000

To a worm in horseradish, the world is horseradish -

- Yiddish saying via Malcolm Gladwell

Second chances - clean sheets wiped clear from all the smudges, memories obliterated, people lost in the maelstrom of life - are great… If only they were as easy as Ctrl+Alt+Del…. Sigh.

On the kinship of the Prodigal

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 05:51:23 +0000

Long before I segued into the way of all flesh, I had always had a sense of connection with the Prodigal Son. In these dark days when my faith vacillates between the highs of unquestioning belief and the depths of blatant scepticism with the increasingly longer spells of being mired in the drudgery of self deprecating musing, I find myself drawn to the text again and again. Something about the lost son finally coming to himself, realizing there is a better life, a better way of doing stuff resonates with me. I fear I am lost, that somehow I have eaten so long of the hors d’œuvres of the beguiling tempter that his full feast of bitter gall is an ineluctable consequence. Trust me I have tried; but the overwhelming sense of guilt at the bloke I have become weighs me down. Like the proverbial swine given pearls, I appear to have taken world class opportunities and contrived to lose them amidst the quotidian pursuits of the good life.

30 is the real cool.....

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 06:37:20 +0000

Despite what the preponderance of mid-life crises and suicides around the 30 year age bracket would suggest, 30’s the new cool - and that for a variety of reasons.

For starters, people take you serious by default. In your teens they know you’ll faff around, in your twenties they’ll assume you’re growing and the occasional gaffe can be excused. In your 30’s they actually believe you know what you are about until you goof. Ain’t that uber-cool?
You get pimped for free. Depending on how far gone you are on the continuum, every one want to match make you. The best friend from University wants to hook you up with a niece, your cousins want to hitch you with friends and all that ish. Downside is it generally tends to rub you the wrong way - but hey who cares? They’re concerned.. That’s why!
All the unmarried chics from earlier on for whom you had crushes suddenly see you as a serious option especially if you have made good on the success your geekery promised as a precocious teenager. Chances are you’re so clueless around women that you do not have a baby mama in the background, which seems to be a huge plus these days..
Chances are you have a strand of gray hair here and there - and true to type if you wear glasses, you actually look cool (gasp). You, the sore-thumb-sticking-out-almost-worwor-bloke, suddenly has the desirable features of respectability.
Last but not the least, you actually have ten more years to play the fool - after all a fool at forty is a fool forever, but not before :)

An epilogue of sorts......

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 02:46:45 +0000

I have begun dreaming of things best left unsaid, things best left to gently slide into oblivion far beyond the edge of consciousness. Here there are voices, and fleeting faces, floating by as though swimming in some nebulous unseen ether. I would blame malaria or the slew of unknown brews at Dame Hayatou’s, but these are things I have seen in the flesh - less the twisting, less the turning in the dead of night and the turmoil that brings them back to mind. These are the memories of a not so distant past, of what-ifs and maybes and could-haves blatantly refusing to accept the cold hard facts..

On Life...

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:17:14 +0000

I suspect…….

…… that beyond all the rhetoric; behind the superfluous arguments, the cynical barbs and the seemingly pragmatic fronts we put up; at its most prosaic, life is about the desire for acceptance, the illusion of autonomy and an ineluctable gravitation towards the certainty that safety brings - And we want to love, and be loved, inspite of our protestations to the contrary.

Sigh…

Waiting for Bus 21...

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:08:07 +0000

The evening breeze, cooled by the frigid NorthSea never fails to welcome me to this place. Nonedescript, marked only by a pole and a small 4x4 plaque, it can seem like Oya or her Viking consort Njord chose to channel their chilling breath through this spot. For 40 days now, I have had to endure the icy chill the wind brings. Sometimes it can feel like the wind reaches out an icy claw and grabs the heart, as though it would yank it out and leave me for dead.

Life's Like That..

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:07:20 +0000

In retrospect…. Life happens.. With or without our consents…. And in its wake often comes change.. which we by default detest. Over time, we develop safe routines, coping mechanisms and default positions to deal with life - ultimately acquiring some semblance of balance.

Sometimes change is subtle; imperceptibly modifying the place where we are on the continuum of life, instigating minor perturbations - little oscillations if you like - around our equilibrium positions. The pragmatic thing to do then is to try to hold the fort, to resist change and maintain the status quo.

Not pining.. Just saying...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:59:22 +0000

Moments like these, when insomnia induced by deep thought strikes, are when the harsh reality of the things we try to suppress often come to the fore. The overwhelming desire of my heart and my hand is to pick up my phone and call long distance. But my head - ever pragmatic - intervenes, short circuiting the commands and forcing me to think.

I wonder if she remembers me, or if indeed there is someone else making her laugh, hearing all her foibles and making her giggle at pointless jokes and wise cracks into the wee hours of the morning.

Almost There.....

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:29:27 +0000

… at the end of the raging storm.… finally a silver lining appears… one victory.. but it is a crucial change of momentum!

Rethinking... Life.

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 09:41:12 +0000

I had an eccentric- if morbid- pastime whilst growing up; fantasizing about dying; and that for as long as I can remember. This was not a simple hit-by-a-car death, but a major drawn out event complete with ambulances, flashing lights, weeping family, and heart broken friends. The object of those fantasies was to convince myself I was that important to all of them; and assuage my battered ego after being blasted to bits by my mum. I would imagine Mother crying; eyes puffed up, hair flying in the wind, scarf wrapped around her waist, totally inconsolable, attempting to throw herself into the ditch, mourning her great loss - ME. Often I would have Di in the background, bawling like a chicken deprived of her entire brood in a sweeping attack by hawks - only a slightly more dignified version of mum.

The bird in hand............... Worth two in the bush?

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 05:44:00 +0000

They say a bird in hand ‘is worth two in the bush’… But where do we draw the line between being content with what is in hand versus craving the potential two in the bush……

Sometimes I fear I have a death wish - an inordinate attraction for the eccentric and the esoteric - to the detriment of the normal and available.. When I was younger, I chalked it down to an insatiable curiosity; that essential criterion for a life of continuous learning. Now though, I fear it runs deeper than that, maybe it is a desire to be unconventional, or a longing for the adventure that comes with the risk, or plain old restlessness.. I don’t know anymore….

Ponderings.......

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:30:02 +0000

A Journey is a gradual passage from one state to another. It may be a translation of spatial coordinates- in which case an object physically changes location, or it may merely be metaphorical - an evolution of an idea from a crude, undeveloped state to a more refined one. Sometimes the journey is deterministic – the number of steps is known from the beginning; at other times it is iterative - involving little steps that seek to approximate an unknown solution. There may be fellow Journey -ers; there may also be assistance in the form of vehicles that seek to mitigate the drudgery of the journey. The key though is that change occurs and hopefully there are clearly defined metrics that show that progress is being made. When all is told though, there is an end in view, a destination, a target box if you like, within which the Journey terminates………….

Letter to the future...

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:39:45 +0000

It seems only like yesterday that I stood in your shoes, on the verge of turning twenty-one. My mind was a maelstrom of feelings; not all of which I could understand. On the one hand was nostalgia for all the memories of growing up and on the other trepidation. I had just left the University and I was going to miss the ‘mountain top experiences’ - the uninhibited exuberance of worshiping together on a Sunday afternoon, the wonderful friendships that had been developed over the tenure of my stay, the nights spent in raucous laughter as we talked about everything under the sun - everything. I felt some trepidation, a nagging concern at the monstrous changes that I was on the verge of undergoing. Lots of issues swirled around my mind – what final grade would I make? Where would I be deployed to serve the nation? Would I get a job? Was a Masters’ Degree the ultimate coup de grace I needed to launch myself into my chosen career? Had I learned all I needed to succeed in life? I had plans, that had me doing things I had only seen in my dreams.

Sometimes I wonder..................

Tue, 19 May 2009 22:52:56 +0000

Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between……………

Self-delusion and Dreaming Big
Hypocrisy and the Gap Trap
Narcissism and Self Esteem
Love and Admiration
Pragmatism and Foolhardiness

“If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side?

- Leo Tolstoy

The cycle of life

Mon, 04 May 2009 11:23:00 +0000

Age, chronological or otherwise, slowly creeps up on us. Once upon a time we were a tiny cell, birthed by the fusion of gametes which then morph into a tiny organism. With time, we grow bigger and then get birthed - being thrust out into the hardened world called life. We age: grow bigger, develop facial hair, deepened voices, broader chests.. and then the gray hair… leading to the inevitable slide towards old age and death… ..a self-perpetuating cycle.

Reflecting..... Three Ideas for Life

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:30:15 +0000

Over the past few days, the transience of life has been brought very forcibly to the forefront of my mind. Maybe it’s the new streak of grey in my beard, or the news of yet another young acquaintance who is no more, or it’s the startling realization that the kids who were born the year I completed undergrad study are all knocking on the door of their teenage years…. The various random thoughts coursing daily through my head have agglomerated around three key concepts - Cogitation, Connection and Contribution.

New Year, New start, New Life...

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 00:41:36 +0000

I think I am lost…. Caught in the never land between here and there, and never quite fitting into either. The last eighteen months have been intense - filled with activities which have changed me. Some came close to breaking me - like losing my Nigerian job, like enduring that nasty breakup, like feeling like the world caved in all at once… I like to imagine I survived, and am slowly picking the pieces of my life back up and together again.