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I am big on putting together grand plans, ones which go to a great level of details to spell out the things I want to do and achieve. Where things have fallen down over the past few years has been in the application; the hard, long slog that is the doing needed to bring the plans to fruition. It would appear that in this regard I am like most people, particularly as this relates to New Year’s resolutions. This gap - this disconnect between what I want to do and what actually happens - is most obvious in the area of my spiritual practice. As an example, getting to a place where a daily time of prayer and bible study is embedded in my daily routine is one of the key things I have wished for over the course of the last few years. This has tended to be more a source of frustration than inspiration in my case, especially as these failings drive a sense of cognitive dissonance. ...

A first taxi ride since July, occasioned by an urgent need to head out into the wider ‘Shire for work, is how I end up in slowly moving traffic on Guild Street one Tuesday morning. As we inch along towards the first set of traffic lights, the announcer on the radio points out what is bleeding obvious to us - that there are long tail backs on our favoured route. The taxi driver, fingers tapping on the steering wheel in that understatedly impatient way the young and restless have, gives things a few minutes before he fires up his TomTom device to assess what our routing options are. It turns out the longer route is the better one on this occasion - his device predicting that it is the quicker one by ten minutes. Being stuck with him, I shrug when he asks if I mind his taking the route. I don’t suppose I have a lot of choice, besides hopping out of his taxi and legging it, or calling off my trip entirely. Once we are out of the snarling traffic and heading out towrds my destination, the incessant tapping stops, all his nervous energy perhaps being dissipated by the manoveuring he has had to do to get us out of our spot of bother. ...

One of the lingering effects of H’s passing is that four times a year, I go through a phase where I especially struggle for words to share with my father. Although triggered by four specific days – her birthday (the 8th of July), their wedding anniversary (the 11th of November), the day she passed (the 19th of July) and the day she was buried (the 8th of August) – these tend to be long drawn out affairs affecting the days leading up to and the days after these days. The struggle takes various forms primarily centred on whether to call my father or not, and on the days when I manage to call him, what to talk about - to keep things as normal as possible or broach the difficult subject of H. He and I have never been the best of conversationalists - we’re much too similar for that – but these days make that tenuous relationship an even more difficult one, so much so that on most of these days, I have opted for not calling him in the end. ...

For the Wordpress Discover Challenge Prompt: Song - - 1995 was an interesting time to be young and Christian. DC Talk, The Newsboys and Audio Adrenaline were at various stages in their evolution from being the niche interest of church youth groups to becoming recognisable by mainstream music lovers. Seemingly out of the blue, Christian Contemporary Music was on its way to acquiring a sort of coolness that the work of the likes of Larry Norman and Rich Mullins had deserved but somehow never achieved. In my corner of the world, Hosanna Music’s body of work was the rave, a slew of live worship albums including a couple recorded in post apartheid South Africa (Tom Inglis’We Are One and Lionel Petersen’s Rejoice Africa) building on a collection that included several offerings from the likes of of Ron Kenoly, Don Moen, Bob Fitts and Randy Rothwell. ...

Just under two weeks after S and I had out first serious spat, the subject of which was the pace or lack thereof of our thing, I ended up sat on a couch in Chelmsford, meeting her parents. The opportunity had come together very quickly, they being around and I being able to find a couple of days to make the trip to meet them. The meeting itself felt at times like an interview, an inquisition and a friendly chat; good in the sense that it put into context the protective nature of the relationships S has with her wider family. On the way back, I broached the difficult 6-month, ‘Us’ question, her choice of answer - what do you think - suggesting that perhaps events had overtaken that by far. That I agree with. So here we are then - official, in a manner of speaking. Beginning again then, the first day of what I can only hope is a long, fruitful relationship :) ...

Reminded of this by Caitlin Kelly’s piece which in turn was inspired by Imbolo Mbue’s NY Times Essay - How To Vote As An Immigrant and a Citizen

If you had asked me how my week was going at mid day on Tuesday, I suppose my answer would have been ’ shittier by the second’ or something similar. At the time I was running on a significant sleep deficit, had worn myself out by overthinking and consequently was just about tottering on the edge of imploding. The chief reasons for this state were a first spat with S, and a big work related meeting for which my preparations were going poorly. I did manage to survive till the end of the day, common sense -aided by a snickers bar - beginning to seep to the surface, adding some perspective. ...

--- God has a sense of humour, that much I am convinced of. The most recent evidence of this has got to be firing up John Piper’s Daily Devotional, Solid Joys, to find out that today’s devotional had marriage firmly in its sights. The humour was because S and I had just had our first spat of sorts the night before. At the nexus of this spat was a difference in opinion as to where we were on the relationship continuum. I was of the opinion that she needed to provide a response that defined what we were - being just really good friends or people in an active relationship that had marriage as it’s end goal. Her contention was that the fact that she gave up time and energy to meet up with me and do stuff suggested that there was firm interest on her part, but that time was required to get to a place where she could formally say ‘Yes’ to my entreaties. ...

Alongside the overarching life plan, and the 2017 goals (the Year of Being 37) here are the wider targets I’d like to be and to have achieved by 2020. Spiritual Serve in a leadership capacity in my local church (FOL Aberdeen or elsewhere if God’s plan takes me outside Aberdeen over the next few years), primarily focused on teens, young adults and single men. Physical & Health Eat using an Low Carb, High Fat model Weigh 80 (+/-2) kg and 20% body fat Run a mile at least three times a week People & Socials Meet and marry a woman who makes me happy and who has life goals I can contribute to Financial Grow net worth to > £500k Save 10% of net earnings year on year Work and Career Be a regional Corrosion & Materials TA/Lead Engineer or equivalent at a Oil Major Mental & Personal Development Start and significantly progress a Corrosion & Materials related PhD Publish a book of essays or poems Causes & Charities Visit the kids I sponsor with Compassion UK and World Vision Add another two kids (co-sponsored with my family)

– For the first few days, all it is a mesh panel fence, one which cordons off the central area of Castlegate. Given my path to work takes me past it everyday, what it is or is not intrigues me to no end. By the time I am heading into work on Wednesday morning, its purpose becomes clear. It is a tent for staging Aberdeen’s version of Oktoberfest, the all out celebration of all things German beer related, which is back in the city between the 12th and the 16th. As I make my way back home just past 6.30 on Wednesday evening, I can just make out the silhouettes of people milling about inside it, music and the sounds of people having a good craik. For what it is worth, despite not being a beer person - my choice of beverage is a gin and tonic - the sneak preview tempts me a wee bit, but the need to keep a clear head for work the next day keeps me straight. I make a mental note to check again on Friday evening, if it still catches my fancy. ...