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--- If You were a Star.. I’d follow you home by Heart

Getting fit and lean is one of my key deliverables for 2014. The health effects being obvious, given my borderline LVH diagnosis from 2013, and an increasing desire to ditch my keg for a veritable six pack (hello ladies :). The general consensus seemed to be that the Paleo diet was a great way to achieve the calorie restrictions required to achieve that, whilst I work on defining the exercise component to that. Over the course of the 28 days of February, I managed 20 completions, slightly improved over the January numbers for challenge #1, but still far short of the full complement. ...

When I first came here, it was not love at first sight. There was no instant click, no immediate sense of belonging; only a sense of tentativeness.The call that set it all off had come out of the blue one Tuesday afternoon, from a Manager I didn’t work for directly. My first response was to email the guy I actually did work for - he took a day and a half to get back to me - by which time the moving train had gathered speed. After less than three months back at the mother lode, following a six month stint sequestered in a client office, I was on the move again. ...

Against my better judgement I WhatsApped LK whilst she was in Paris to say I’d thought a lot of her on the day, and that I hoped that she’d had a blast so far.. Very nearly 12 hours after she’s been in London, over 36 since she read the message, and two profile picture changes later, she hasn’t deemed it fit to respond in any shape or form. Guess whatever ambiguity there was about the need to ease myself off has slowly resolved itself. It is very much an ending of sorts now..

--- I wanna know a song can rise From the ashes of a broken life And all that’s dead inside can be reborn Cause I’m worn

Having given the subject of my proposed trip to London to see LK a lot of thought, I resolved that the sensible thing was not to go through it. Two main things stood out in my head as valid reasons for this position - she was due to go away for a much deserved holiday the day after and didn’t deserve to go under a cloud, and perhaps more importantly I felt we were at a level of irritation at which constructive conversation was well nigh impossible. I thus penned a lengthy email exploring my feelings and explaining my decisions which I intended to send through to her after we had had a quick chat. ...

LK and I somehow ended up having yet another conversation on the never quite clearly defined subject of ‘us’. Having gone ahead to send through a gift for Valentine’s Day, I did feel a little bit miffed that my efforts had merely provoked a very understated reaction. One thing led to another and I ended up letting rip a broadside around the uncertainties I was having to carry around this connection. All this over whatsapp, and at work, which was criminal on my part I must say. ...

For O, who bailed too soon… --- In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

For LK, and the Mag I wish there were no ifs Or buts, or lingering maybes - But only the delirium Of the re-memory of your face, Etched in my heart like The ravines a swollen river Carves in broken shale. I wish there was no ochre coloured space; this drizzled, empty place, stained with this ache from the itch of a thousand broken pieces Oh that there were between you and I - a half uttered invitation. I would cross seven mountains, seven valleys and seven swollen river beds too, to pour a libation at your feet, and revel in this delirium… ...

--- … No matter how many times I break You promise always to keep me safe You’re my rescue when I’m spinning outta control…